Several months ago, maybe even a year ago, I don't know for sure, a dear long time friend of me gave me an opportunity of a lifetime. She asked me (and her other good friends) to write a letter to her daughter who was becoming a teenager. She asked that the letter include encouragement and advice about growing up and the life that is ahead. I told my friend that I was honored. I told her I would do it but I needed to think about it for a long time before I could do it. She said that was fine. I needed time to think "If I could only say one thing to this young lady, what do I say?" Words are precious and powerful and I need to get them right. I have prayed about it for a very long time and through circumstance I was given this idea. This is how I should do it. I am going to write 18 things I wish I had known (understood) when I was 18. This is not my original idea but God told me this is what I was supposed to do for M.
I love you, M. And I love your mom, dearly.
This is also written for my daugher, Julia, who is 1/3 of my world. I can't believe I have such a glorious daughter.
Here are 18 things I want to tell you, part 1. Part 2 and Part 3 will follow.
1. Good people make mistakes, even very big mistakes. Good people will hurt you and you may hurt them. When a person makes a mistake it may be because they don't know what else to do and they are grasping at straws. Maybe they have been asking for help and no one will listen. Maybe they are afraid to ask for help. You may be at that point in your life sometime where you make a big mistake and you will need grace. You will be thankful for it. Be grace to those who make mistakes and are really trying to do the right thing. And if you hurt someone, it is very, very important that you tell them "I'm sorry" (be sincere and say it to their face if possible). Don't assume they know you are sorry.
2. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself. The world is a funny place. I am an idealist and the world is a difficult place for an idealist. I try to be honest and hard working. I tell the truth and what you see is what you get. Other people will be the same. And then there are others who will not. Sometimes behind the scenes there are agendas and behavior that are not honest and good. Sometimes people will manipulate a situation to their benefit, rather than the benefit of the greater good or what is "right". It may be risky and it may push boundaries, but sometimes you have to say "Wait a minute. That is not right." If you have lived your life in a way people respect, then people will probably listen. They may not, but you will know that you tried. You may have to walk away but I think it is important to stand up for yourself, what is right and what is important.
3. Material things really don't mean much. It is important to have a home and the basics in life but having more and better material things really doesn't matter. When you are a teenager if may seem like those things are important. Many adults think those things are very important. Think of Ariel in "The Little Mermaid" and her collections of gadgets and gizmos. They are shiny and unique and really useless. Invest your money, energy, time and heart in things that matter. Repeat.
4. Boys. When I was a teenager it was popular to have a steady boyfriend. I had one main boyfriend in high school and he was a good guy. He was a few years older than me and that was good for me because the boys in my class were goof balls. He didn't even go to my school, he grew up in another nearby town. It was good because I focused on school and he was not a distraction. I do not regret having him for a boyfriend for most of that time... That being said, I tell the girls (and boys) at the high school I work at not to make any serious decisions until you are 25. I just picked that age because to me it seems like you should be finished with college and maybe on your feet starting life. It turns out that the human brain is not fully mature until age 25. It's a big deal. Really it is. My sister got married when she was 28. I think that was very smart of her. She could have had any guy when she was younger. But the right one came along when she was about 25.
5. This is something I did not learn until I was about 35... "When you say yes to something, you are also saying no to something else. And you may not even know what that something else is." This is true for everything to some degree. Your work, your time, your heart. When you say yes, be sure you are ready. Choose wisely. Seek good advice. Some decisions will affect your life forever.
6. Be brave. Be independent. Live by yourself for a while if you can before you get married. Save some money and go somewhere that is dreamy. Go with a friend. Appreciate your youth and soak it up. It will not come again.
More to follow.
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